100+ Hilarious Vampire Puns That Bite Back

A Bite of Dark Humor

Vampires might be creatures of the night, but their sense of humor is no joke. Whether you’re crafting a Halloween caption, writing a spooky card, or just craving some late-night laughter, these vampire puns are here to give your funny bone a gentle bite.

So, sharpen your fangs, dim the lights, and get ready for a humor feast that’s more chilling than a coffin at midnight. And before we start sucking all the fun out of this, check out some of our other pun favorites like Basketball Puns and Snow Puns.

Now, let’s raise the stakes — literally — and dive into some fang-tastic wordplay.

100+ Vampire Puns That’ll Make You Howl

Fang-tastic Starters

1. You can count on me… like Count Dracula.
2. That joke really sucks — in a good way.
3. I’m just here for the bites.
4. This humor is simply fang-tastic.
5. Vampires are a real pain in the neck.
6. I’m totally blood-thirsty for laughs.
7. Why did Dracula get braces? To improve his bite.
8. I vant to suck your humor.
9. I had a vampire joke — but it sucked.
10. You’re drop-dead hilarious.

Bloodthirsty Laughs

11. What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? B-Positive.
12. Why did Dracula become an artist? He loved to draw blood.
13. Vampires never lie — they always tell the tooth.
14. How do vampires start their letters? “Tomb it may concern…”
15. Why did the vampire go to the dentist? He had a fang-ache.
16. That’s a grave mistake — literally.
17. What’s a vampire’s favorite subject? Spelling.
18. How do vampires like their food? Bloody good.
19. Why do vampires hate garlic? It’s a pain in the neck.
20. What do you call a lazy vampire? Count Slackula.

Love at First Bite

21. You’ve stolen my heart… and maybe my blood.
22. Our love is eternal — or undead.
23. You make my blood run wild.
24. You’re my type — my blood type.
25. I’m batty for you.
26. You’re un-boo-lievably attractive.
27. Let’s have a fang-tastic date night.
28. I only have eyes for you… and maybe your jugular.
29. You put the bite in my love life.
30. Love at first bite is real.

Cryptic Humor

31. Vampires never age — they’re timeless.
32. Why don’t vampires use mirrors? They can’t reflect on their actions.
33. How do vampires clean their teeth? Bat paste.
34. Why did Dracula open a nightclub? For the neck-working.
35. What’s a vampire’s favorite job? Blood bank teller.
36. How do vampires send messages? By blood mail.
37. Vampires hate camping — too many stake-outs.
38. What’s Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
39. Vampires don’t jog — they can’t handle the running water.
40. What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? Stake and chips.

Night Shift Humor

41. Why did the vampire take up boxing? He loved to bat-tle.
42. Vampires love bats — they’re their wingmen.
43. How do vampires start a fight? They raise the stakes.
44. What did the vampire say at the comedy club? “Fang you, very much.”
45. Vampires are bad chefs — they can’t handle garlic.
46. What’s a vampire’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.
47. Where do vampires shop? Forever 1,000.
48. Vampires always keep their cool — coffin chill.
49. Why did the vampire go to therapy? He had deep-seated bite issues.
50. Vampires love the nightlife — they’re born for it.

Coffin-Up Laughs

51. Why did the vampire refuse sunlight? He couldn’t stand the exposure.
52. Vampires hate selfies — no reflection.
53. Why do vampires make terrible liars? You can see right through them.
54. Vampires don’t diet — they’re on a strict liquid plan.
55. What’s a vampire’s favorite sport? Casketball.
56. Why did the vampire open a bakery? To make blood pudding.
57. Dracula’s favorite restaurant? Stake House.
58. How do vampires stay in shape? Deadlifts.
59. Why did the vampire go broke? Bad investments — he lost his interest.
60. Vampires love Halloween — it’s their night to shine.

Bat-ter Up

61. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transport? A blood vessel.
62. How do vampires drive? They take the bat lane.
63. Why did Dracula fail at school? He couldn’t handle the tests.
64. How do vampires decorate? With bat-tastic taste.
65. Why do vampires love math? They’re great at counting.
66. What’s a vampire’s favorite car? A cadi-lack of blood.
67. Why did Dracula join the gym? To improve his circulation.
68. What do you call a vampire detective? Count Clue-cula.
69. Why did the vampire cross the road? To get to the necks side.
70. What’s a vampire’s least favorite band? The Sun-Tones.

Sucker for Puns

71. Why are vampires always calm? Nothing gets under their skin.
72. Vampires love candles — they’re real light biters.
73. What’s Dracula’s favorite coffee? De-coffinated.
74. Vampires hate fast food — they can’t catch it.
75. How do vampires play cards? They deal with coffin hands.
76. Why don’t vampires like jokes? They can’t handle the punch lines.
77. What did the vampire use on his salad? Blood dressing.
78. Why did Dracula get a smartphone? To improve his bat-tery life.
79. What do you call a vampire who can sing? A blood tenor.
80. Vampires hate Wi-Fi — too much exposure.

The Final Bite

81. What’s a vampire’s favorite flower? The blood rose.
82. How does a vampire start his day? With a bite to eat.
83. Why did Dracula write a book? To get published in the undead press.
84. What’s a vampire’s favorite drink at Starbucks? A cold brew — extra dark.
85. Why don’t vampires ever get lost? They always follow the bat signal.
86. How do vampires flirt? With a little neck work.
87. Why did the vampire take up gardening? He loved plant veins.
88. What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert? Vein-illa pudding.
89. Why did Dracula hate shopping malls? Too many bright ideas.
90. What’s a vampire’s favorite movie? Bite Club.

Graveyard Giggles

91. Vampires are great musicians — they know all the right notes to drain.
92. Why did the vampire stop dating ghosts? Too transparent.
93. Vampires never retire — they just rest in peace.
94. What’s Dracula’s favorite app? Snap-fang.
95. Why do vampires hate wind? It blows their cover.
96. What’s a vampire’s biggest fear? A stakeholder meeting.
97. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She wasn’t his type.
98. What’s a vampire’s motto? Live, laugh, bite.
99. Why did the vampire love night school? No daylight distractions.
100. Fang you very much for reading.

A Pun That’ll Never Die

Vampire humor may be dark, but it’s definitely alive — or at least undead. From biting one-liners to bloody clever jokes, these puns prove that even creatures of the night can have a wicked sense of humor.

So, whether you’re celebrating Halloween, posting a spooky caption, or just lurking in the dark for a laugh, remember: it’s okay to let your humor suck sometimes.

And if you’re thirsty for more, check out Animal Puns that roar with laughter and Rock Puns that totally rock your world.